when i open a story, i tend to look at the scroll bar for a quick reference to see how long it is before i read it. xxx desi Also, a factual problem which is somewhat off putting and severely challenges the credibility of your story. Flesh it out a bit. also, a character description lets people picture your story more vividly. Men can’t have mutiple orgams, like some women are capable of. you just need to be more descriptive with the actual sex. I wish you luck in your future attempts at writing :)anonymous readerReport 2012-08-21 20:56:58no begining a rush to sex and no end equal a WASTE OF TIME do a total rewrite and use a good editor.chance52Report 2012-07-10 18:52:17much like everyone else said, you’re story does need some build up to it. It would be nice if you could give the story a kind of “natural flow”. good start though. With training we can learn to stay hard even after we cum, and keep it that way
