it is ruining the story line… You need more segues between events.«1» 5 s«1»Report 2009-03-14 20:58:48Nice twist with the sister being a he/she or he a guy raised as a girl. XXX Just work on making the stories longer and making the transitions make more sense. 5 s«1»Report 2009-03-14 20:58:48Nice twist with the sister being a he/she or he a guy raised as a girl. the first chapter was good.. Just work on making the stories longer and making the transitions make more sense. You need more segues between events.«1» Make the switches new chapters or something.Report 2008-08-05 03:09:55no no no no… it is ruining the story line… But yeah, don’t switch so much between scenes. the first chapter was good.. Make the switches new chapters or something.Report 2008-08-05 03:09:55no no no no… Make the switches new chapters or something.Report 2008-08-05 03:09:55no no no no… the first chapter was good.. But yeah, don’t switch so much between scenes. you have less and less gay sex…Report 2008-06-23 16:33:42okay. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . …
