like most have said this was super rushed and needs to be two or three times longer with motre build up and details. desi xxx My own two cents however, next time stick with the mother for part one, maybe having the daughter walk in on them for suspense. Part two should stick with the daughter and maybe some action from both women.«123» My own two cents however, next time stick with the mother for part one, maybe having the daughter walk in on them for suspense. Part two should stick with the daughter and maybe some action from both women.«123» you give no background or character development it was just wham bam thankyou maam. 11 s«123»Report 2014-01-13 04:39:48really needs a rewrite and a good editing, your spelling needs work as does the plot. Part two should stick with the daughter and maybe some action from both women.«123» My own two cents however, next time stick with the mother for part one, maybe having the daughter walk in on
